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Carla

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[16 Apr 2007|07:37pm]
NEW LIVEJOURNAL:


xxvv
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[13 Apr 2007|11:07pm]
NEW LIVEJOURNAL:

xxvv
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[09 Apr 2007|08:02am]
i hate my dad forever and ever.
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[03 Apr 2007|05:06pm]
i got a job at the insurance company my mom works at. im making $7.50 right now but in a couple weeks ill be making $8. im excited that im actually gonna have some money. im gonna get me a car. errrg well i procrastinated and now i have to write a 5 page paper tonight. this spring break is gonna kick ass. sherwins coming down from philly for a few days and im excited. i miss him. ahhhhh i have to go write about macbeth.



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[30 Mar 2007|09:39am]

happy birthday?



okay... so my wisdom teeth are out. the whole surgery thing was so trippy. they put the gas on and after like 2 minutes it sounded like all my nurses were rapping but going in slow motion too. 
i remember the gas but i dont remember anything after that up until i was in the car on my way home.

apparently some of the things i said where:
who am i?
where am i? 
whats in my mouth?
are my eyes okay? 
how did i get here?
who are you? (to my mom)

it hurt pretty bad after i got home and the tylenol 3 they gave me werent strong enough. i took like 4 in 4 hours and i was still in a lot of pain. i ended up taking extra strength tylenol and that worked a lot better.

for my birthday i got:
an amazing video camera from my parents
$10 from ju williams
ice age 2 and a little ice age lunch box thing (totally awesome) from brian
awesome huge glasses from ally abernathy
a shirt, glasses, an ipod holder thing and earrings from my sister
sandals and earrings from julianna
and an itunes gift card from my mom

everyone should come visit me because im gonna be stuck here all weekend

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[26 Mar 2007|08:04pm]
rugby killed me yesterday. i cant move my right arm. im in so much pain.

other than that im alright. now that my birthday is really close im kinda excited. and besides that, spring break is coming up soon so thatll give me some time to rest. 

i dont really have anything to complain about right now. (besides my shoulder)
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[21 Mar 2007|09:51pm]
my mom is home now but she still has a drain and about 15 staples in her stomach.

my birthday is next wednesday and im not even excited. woohoo, another year of total unhappiness. and plus, i have to get my wisdom teeth out the day after so thats not really anything to look forward to either.

i was thinking about it and i realized that all of my good friendships have ended so abruptly and so messy and it leaves me no hope for the future. why even get close to someone when you know youre just gonna get hurt?

i dont hate myself right now, im just not happy.

i just kinda gave up, stopped trying to make things better.
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[18 Mar 2007|01:09pm]

they finally took the tube that they shoved up my moms nose out. she said she feels much better now. 

im gonna kill myself if i have to deal with my dad one more day. its so terrible. he makes me feel like shit.

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[16 Mar 2007|09:09pm]
she has tubes everywhere. its so awful. i want her to come home
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[16 Mar 2007|05:56pm]
my moms in the hospital because she got surgery and she was supposed to leave today but it turns out she has to stay all weekend. i want her to come home. my dad said 'ill be home at five and we can all go see her' then, at 5, he called and said he was already there. i just want to go see her. im so upset
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[09 Mar 2007|08:07pm]
im different. i dont feel heartbroken. i can finally say im 'over it' and believe myself. im not lucky and i hate my dad but at least i dont have that overwhelming feeling of sadness anymore. i have someone whos always there for me, i have something im good at, i have good grades, i have a good mom, sister and brother, i have people who think im funny and make me feel good and best of all, i like myself (for now).

im not scared anymore.
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[01 Mar 2007|06:50pm]
i wouldnt be so mean if i didnt love him so much.

its awful.
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[21 Feb 2007|07:25pm]
i never realized not talking could be so hard.

i gave up. i cant do it.
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[16 Feb 2007|09:17am]
ive been having really weird dreams lately. 

i have a feeling that if i take a vow of silence im gonna end up killing myself. but im gonna do it anyway.
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[14 Feb 2007|09:21am]

im selfish. but i guess i kinda have to be selfish if i dont really matter to anyone. if i never feel like anyone loves me, it makes me want to be loved even more. and when i dont feel loved i try harder but really im just pushing people away.

i dont think anyone understands.

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[11 Feb 2007|11:37am]

my brother and his girlfriend had a baby last year and decided to put it up for adoption and the people who adopted the baby (logan) decided that they want danny and crystal (my brother and his girlfriend) to be a part of the baby's life. they send pictures and stuff. they decided they wanted to meet up with all of us yesterday so my mom, travis, danny, crystal and i all went to see the baby at the mall.

i thought id share because this baby is so cute.

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[10 Feb 2007|08:59am]
i guess im okay now. not good, not bad. okay.

i talked to brian and i feel pretty good about him now. i like him a lot more. i also talked to mrs lee about my dad and how much of a terrible person he is. she told me that its important for me to know that its not my fault and its not me he is really mad at, hes just pscho and has other things going on inside his head. i dont know about the second part but i really should try to remember that im not guilty and i shouldnt let him get to me.
easier said than done.
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[08 Feb 2007|07:23pm]
sorry, dad
but 5 sheets of glossy picture paper is not a lot.
stop yelling.





and its not as expensive as you seem to think it is.
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[06 Feb 2007|08:33pm]

i think its time i realized self-pity is meaningless.

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[06 Feb 2007|06:21pm]
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